The more I write these letters, the more I feel as if they are a time capsule to be discovered after so many years have passed, when I am your “mother” and you are my “daughter” but there are no traces of the young woman I used to be and no evidence that I have ever felt the way you felt, or thought the way you think. I hope to preserve that part of myself that is still searching and forming conclusions about the world, so that whatever pearls of wisdom I should discover in my time of youth, can be passed onto you like a family heirloom.
In these letters I do not wish to say that I am perfect, or that I know all there is to know about the human condition. Instead, I think of my experiences like a treasure map for women searching, marking the scenic routes or the dead ends along the way. I have spent a great deal of my time doing just that, recycling the hardships of my journey, into teachable direction. And as I’m thinking of you, only in faith at the moment, I realize that by the time I have raised you up and weathered many storms, I may not have the same will to do so. So I will tell you all that I know now, rather than waiting for a future that I am uncertain of.
Now, I know that there is no certainty for a mother, concerning who or what her child will become. But I say for the record, it is my wish to raise you up as a woman of integrity, who loves and accepts herself in the best and worst of times. Many of us love ourselves when we are loved by others, outwardly and for the world to see. But what kind of love is due to the woman who is forgotten, or the one who has never been taught to embrace her inner beauty?
Olivia, if I could give you anything, I would give you eyes to see. I would give you the wisdom to realize how precious you are way before anything noteworthy ever happens to you. The status that people use to uplift themselves and isolate others is fleeting and vain. I cringe at the thought of how much time I have wasted, feeling defeated and in despair, thinking that my life could never measure up to the expectations to others. It is only now that I am beginning to see the truth, that all these things, though they can be good, they don't, in anyway shape or form, define you. Everything depends on the intent of your heart and what God, Himself, has purposed for your life.
I have two questions for you, in which you should ask yourself daily. Will you be bold and daring enough to love who you are, despite what you see all around you? And what will you do with the time that God has given you? I suggest that you cease from searching for treasures in world, and gain a better understanding of the One who created it. When you make your mind to set foot on your path, do me this favor. Look for that beautiful rustic trail that is set apart for wise travelers. It may look a little shabby, and shows sign that it is barely used, but that will surely be the path, that is just right for you.
One thing is for sure, you can never claim that your mother was never in your shoes!! I love you with all my heart. And am praying for you, even before I have met you.
With faith and love,
Tanisha Nichole Wright
